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Aug 11 Jokes 2.0Permanent Link

Send in the clowns ... Yer know, designing and coding websites is a serious activity. Tight deadlines and complicated specifications and briefs can leave a developer stressed and often miserable. So miserable, in fact, that many developers often turn to casual violence and public self defecation as a way of distracting themselves from xhtml and css related thoughts. Hey. We’ve all been there.

So, come one! Let’s kick back, chill out, hang loose, keep it real and let our hair down / up / bald or whatever. Laughter, as they say, is the best medicine … well, not if you’ve got a sore throat. Laughing, if anything, could cause further discomfort. In this case, a ‘Locket’ or a ‘Hall’s Soother’ is probably a more appropriate method of treatment rather than laughter. Even a gentle chuckle could cause a painful twinge …

Yes. So. Check out my collection of classic jokes … but (Heh! I’m laughing just thinking about them) with a ‘web2.0’ twist …

Q. Why can’t Smurfs swim?
A. Because: #river .forest-dwelling-creatures { color: #12d; float: none; }

An English man, Irish man and Scottish man walk into a bar, but non-one knows they are there because: #bar .man[lang=en], #bar .man[lang=gaelic], #bar .man[lang=celtic] { visibility: hidden; }

Q. Why did the background-image of a chicken cross the screen?
A. Because: #chicken { background: url(/images/chicky-wicky-woo.gif) no-repeat; float: right; }

Your mother’s so fat that .your-mother { display: block; font-weight: bold; width: 100%; border: 200px solid #e77; background: #320 url(/fridge/loads-of-pies.pig) repeat; }

#knock .knock
Who’s there?
An element with an class of ‘knock’ contained within another element with the id of ‘knock’

Q. What do you call an xhtml document with a spade in it’s head?
A. < head >a spade< /head >

Q. Why couldn’t the block element contained in the inline element walk?
A. Because it was invalid

Q. What do you call: a.dear with no < i >’s?
A. A link with the class of ‘dear’ that isn’t in italics

Q. Why was it relatively easy for the vicar to carry a container of holy water?
A. Because: font-weight: normal;

Q. Why was the pillow soft?
A. Because: .pillow { padding: 100px; }

It’s how yer tell ‘em. I’m here all week!
Any more for any more? ...

  1. Martyn Jones | Aug 22, 14:56 | #

    Og to du yonder take up pГҐ webdesign koding yonder probability dette innlegget noko sum demurrage nedover di gateway.

  2. Ben | Aug 22, 15:16 | #

    Kev – goto the pub, immediately!

  3. John Oxton | Aug 29, 15:27 | #

    surely it should be

    A. Because: #chicken { background: url(/images/chicky-wicky-woo.gif) repeat-x; }

  4. kevadamson | Sep 7, 00:06 | #

    @Martyn: Hmmm … see what you’ve done there mate, is copied something someone had written about me on some Norwegian site, pasted it into an online translator and clicked ‘translate from German to English’, then translated the result into some other language, and then thought it would be funny to paste it in as a comment. It’s not funny. Where’s my CMS? ...

    @Ben: Can I go every time I happen to read your comment? That would be ‘cricket’! Clink clink cheers! Glug glug ahhhhh – refreshed!

    @John: A-ha! But that would cause a repeated background image of the chicken displayed all the way across the screen. You’re thinking of that old classic and often confused with the other joke joke: ‘Why did the background image of the chicken get repeated across the screen on the dimension of x? Because …’

    With CSS disabled, the chicken (or at least the background image replacement text: ‘The Chicken’ contained in a span tag, hidden off screen) is displayed on the left hand side of the screen. It’s only CSS that can cause the chicken to “cross the screen” by floating it right. I learnt it from the book: ‘CSS will make your car doors fall off’ by Chris Lown …

Hey! You there! Say Stuff :


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